


the truth is stranger than all my dreams

by brilliantbanshee



Series: Season 2 Codas [6]
Category: 9-1-1: Lone Star (TV 2020)
Genre: F/M, Gen, M/M, Marjan Marwani & TK Strand Friendship, Marjan deserves a coda fic too, Mentions of TK/Carlos, Spoilers for 2x04
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-10
Updated: 2021-02-10
Packaged: 2021-03-17 00:13:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,914
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29341119
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brilliantbanshee/pseuds/brilliantbanshee
Summary: Marjan likes to think that she’s confident, that she can take on anything. But things are showing her that she may not know herself as well as she thinks and that the future can be a scary thing.-----A Marjan centric 2x04 Coda
Series: Season 2 Codas [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2169987
Comments: 19
Kudos: 46





	the truth is stranger than all my dreams

**Author's Note:**

> Marjan deserves a coda fic too, so here it is. I have plans for a TK centric companion piece I might as a second chapter, but we'll see. 
> 
> Title is from "Meet Me in the Woods" by Lord Huron

Marjan’s two worlds collided with a thunderous crash when she saw Salim standing at the edge of the rink. Turning the corner expecting to see her friends and seeing him right beside them was so incongruous. For all her usual grace under fire, she didn’t know how to handle this, or what to say. These were some of the people with whom she felt safest with in the entire world - she trusted each of them with her life - but somehow having them all in one room left her reeling. 

“Fiance” was the truth, but it somehow felt wrong. It didn’t feel like enough to encompass all that he was and all their relationship was. It may have been the wrong one too, judging by the reactions of her friends. Well, Carlos tried, but the rest were stuck in shock. She couldn’t say that she blamed them. It’s not like she had ever mentioned him before. 

She was happy to see him; it had been over a year now since she had left Miami and their families behind. But with no warning on a day out with her friends was too much. It felt so foreign and somehow wrong. Salim fit into a specific space in her head, her life here in Austin in another. She had never anticipated the two having to collide without warning. 

But he smiled at her and she returned it. He joined them in watching the next bout and all seemed at ease. He struck up a conversation with her friends, it all seemed normal. It was all fine, so she didn’t know why she felt an undercurrent of dread. When she asked him later on, when they were alone waiting for his uber, why now he had simply said he had missed her, that he had wanted to see her, that he had wanted it to be a surprise. 

Mission accomplished there, for sure. 

As they parted for the evening and he made her promise to free some time up for him tomorrow, after her shift, she agreed with a smile. The shock had faded and maybe the feeling of displacement would soon too. 

Having another person she cared about in the same city should be a good thing, after all. 

* * *

She had been debating whether the smell was simply stuck in her head or if she actually needed to shower again when she was interrupted by her phone vibrating its way across the bench beside her. When she opened the message waiting for her all other thoughts fled her mind. Salim wanted to have dinner in one of the nicest restaurants in the city with her, alone. There was confusion, but there were also alarm bells sounding in her head. Him showing up here, him inviting her to dinner at a nice restaurant without a chaperone? They had a plan but she was starting to get the feeling that he wanted to change that plan. 

She rewrapped her hair and headed to the bunks, reading the message again, looking for any clues she may have missed. There are none. He’s not coming out and saying anything, but she can hear it shouted between the lines. He’s tired of waiting and wants to move forward. She flops back onto her bed with a groan. This wasn’t the plan. They still have time. She still has time. 

Paul and Mateo asked her about it and while she appreciated their words and show of support, it doesn’t change the fact that she had no idea how to handle this. Paul’s right: Salim is likely tired of waiting. She doesn’t know why, she doesn’t know what brought it on. All she knows is that when she showed up to dinner he was more than likely going to ask her a question that she didn’t know how to answer.

TK joined them and after the other two fill him in and he voices his support for whatever she decides, she smiled. If nothing else, she knew she could always count on her team. The thought of leaving Austin and them so soon; when she had just built a life here and found a family and happiness, is too much. She’s not ready. She just hopes it doesn't come to that and if it does, Salim can understand. 

* * *

As Marjan let herself back into her apartment she fell back on the closed door and closed her eyes. For so long she had had this plan. For so long she had taken comfort in the fact that she knew what her future held. There had been no uncertainty, no wondering if every time she put her heart on the line it might just end up getting crushed instead. She was going to live her life for herself for a while, and then she was going to marry Salim. That was it, full stop, end of story. 

Or so she had thought. 

Just this morning she had been telling Paul and Mateo how much sense it made, how smart it was. She had been so sure. But apparently even the best-laid plans were still just that: plans. And plans could be changed, or broken. 

She wasn’t sure where to go from here. She didn’t know what the next step was. What was the procedure for your intended deciding that was it, that you were done now? She should probably call her parents but she didn’t want to talk about this. Not yet; she was still processing it herself. She sighed and opened her eyes again before taking a deep breath and venturing further into her apartment. 

She couldn’t deny that even past all the confusion, it hurt. Maybe it was petty or egotistical, but she had thought that she had been worth waiting for. The idea that she wasn’t, that he had managed to find someone else hurt more than she wanted to admit. This was exactly the kind of hurt this plan was supposed to avoid. She wasn’t meant to have her heart broken before she had even given it away. 

But maybe that was the problem too. She never had given her heart to it, had she? She had hidden behind a wall of plans and rules and humor. She hadn’t allowed herself to be vulnerable. She had been so determined to avoid the pain of heartbreak that she may have inadvertently caused it. And not just for herself, either. She may not have set out to do so, but she had hurt Salim along the way too. As much as she didn’t want to accept it and as tempting as it was to lay the blame on him for choosing a way out, this was at least partially her fault.

But that, she decided, was a problem for the morning. Tonight she would allow herself to sulk, just a little. She would let herself feel this and she would get up in the morning and start again. Maybe by then this aching feeling in her chest would have faded, maybe by then things would look a little brighter. 

* * *

Marjan loved Salim. At least, she was pretty sure she did.

The thing is she had never been good at that: at deciding what her feelings were, at feeling them at all. 

All her life she had been told that love would develop over time. She really believed that, it made sense to her. It was far more logical, more reasonable to base a relationship on mutual affection, on friendship and respect for the other person than it was to take a gamble on passion; to rest your future on emotions that were as fickle as the weather. 

She cared about Salim - he knew her better than almost anyone else. She trusted him, she cared for him. She did love him, in a way. She saw him as someone safe, she saw him as a future she could be happy with. They had always been on the same page and they had always had each other’s backs. It was simple, uncomplicated. It was what she wanted. 

She had always thought he had wanted the same. She had spent half a lifetime believing it to be true, knowing that no matter what in the end, they would have each other. There was love in her heart for him, that she knew for sure. She’s just not sure if it’s the same kind he apparently felt for her. 

Or, at least, she hadn’t been. Now that she was on the other side of the plan she had built her life around, she wasn’t so sure. There was an ache in her chest; a dull pain that stung even more with each thought she had of Salim and the night before. She wasn’t an expert, but she was fairly certain this was what a broken heart felt like. 

She appreciated Paul and Mateo’s sympathy and Paul’s advice even more, but even as she left them to go to the kitchen she still didn’t know where to go from here. What was the point of sharing her feelings when he had already made his choice? What good was this realization when it came a day too late? 

She entered the kitchen in search of some tea only to find it already occupied by TK, who was putting away dishes with far more force than necessary. She frowns as she steps forward, “Hey dude, you good?” 

He turned to face her and though the expression on his face was decidedly not fine he nodded, “Yeah, I’m fine.” He studied her and his frown deepened, “Are you?” 

“No? I don’t know.” She sighed and sank into one of the stools at the counter. TK crossed the kitchen to join her, leaning onto the counter from the other side so they were at eye level. “Do you want to talk about it?” 

“Do you?” she countered, “because I don’t believe your bs for a second and you are not okay either.” 

“I will if you do.” 

They held each other’s gazes for a long moment before she sighed and relented, “It’s Salim.” 

“I figured as much. I take it dinner didn’t go well?” 

“You could say that,” she said dryly, “he asked me if I ever loved him, and told me he was tired of being the only one pining, that he wanted to be with someone who loved him and he wasn’t sure he was willing to take the risk that I might grow to love him later, after all this time. And then, on top of all that, he told me he had met someone else.” 

“Shit Marj, I’m so sorry.” She nodded and gave him a small smile. Paul may be the station mind reader, but TK knew her well enough that he knew also the answer without even having to ask the question: yes, it bothered her. 

“The worst part,” she continued, “is that I realized I might actually love him after all, just a day too late.” 

TK gave her a grimace of sympathy, but she patted his hand before he could say anymore, “Your turn now: a deal’s a deal. What’s got you wound so tight today?”

He studied her for a moment before he relented with a sigh, “Carlos and I ran into his parent’s at the farmer’s market yesterday, and he introduced me as his friend, from work.”

The quip was there on the tip of her tongue, the joke to break the tension, but Salim’s voice sounded in the back of her mind,  _ and of course, you make a joke _ . As much as she hated to admit it, in light of everything, he was right. She did use humor to avoid confronting emotions whenever possible. But sitting here watching TK stare down at his hands miserably, she took a breath and jumped in: “Did he say why? Is he not out to his parents?” 

“No, he’s out to them. I guess...I guess it’s just more complicated than I thought.”

“Most things are.” 

TK gave a harsh laugh, “that’s for sure.” 

They lapsed into quiet for a few moments before he spoke, “We both are going to have to swallow our pride, aren’t we?” 

Marjan shook her head, “I don’t know if pride is really the issue here, for either of us. I think it’s fear.” 

“You might be onto something there,” TK admitted. 

The conversation faded as they each retreated back into their own thoughts before eventually, TK spoke again, “What are you going to do about Salim?” 

“I’m not sure yet,” she admitted with a shrug, “I don’t really know where to go from here. None of this was ever part of the plan, but I guess nothing ever stays the same.” 

“You should tell him.” 

TK’s words are sudden and she looked up at him sharply, “What, like some dramatic love confession? To try to get him to leave someone else he has already made a commitment to? That all seems...very much not me.” 

“And the decision is up to you, obviously, but I think you owe it to yourself to tell him the truth. It doesn't have to be dramatic, just give him all the information and let him make a decision. I think it’s only fair to make sure you are on the same page. Nothing good has ever come from hiding anything from someone you care about.”

She considered his words. They were remarkably similar to Paul’s, which should tell her more than the words themselves. Neither of her two friends would ever advise her to do anything less than what they thought best. Maybe it was worth considering. Maybe it was time to face this fear. Whatever came couldn’t be worse than the dread of missed opportunity. 

“What about you?” she asked him, “what are you going to do?” 

He was quiet again before finally, he shrugged, “I don’t know Marj,” he admitted quietly, “I love him. I thought he loved me. I want to think that he does, but if that’s not the case...I don’t see any way forward.” 

Marjan’s heart broke for him. He looked so miserable and briefly she remembered her thoughts yesterday, how she had claimed even to herself that her future with Salim was safer, less likely to lead to heartbreak. Maybe some things simply couldn’t be avoided; maybe some things were just too universal, no matter your background or approach. 

“I don’t think that’s true,” she told him instead, “don’t forget I have spent a significant amount of time with you two. He loves you just as much as you love him. Whatever this is, I don’t think it has to do with you. I think that maybe you’re not the only one that feels scared.”

TK deflated a bit before meeting her eyes, “If that’s true, what does it mean that I never noticed?” 

Marjan gave him a soft smile, “It means that you’re human. But now that you know, you’re going to have to figure out what to do about it.” 

“Any ideas?” 

She smirked at him, feeling a little bit more like herself now after this talk, “I can’t just give you all the answers, TK. Where would the fun be in that?” 

* * *

For the second time in as many days when her door closed behind her, she sank back onto it. She had said what she needed to say, and she had meant it. Despite everything she felt for Salim, despite all the plans and promises, there was no going back from here and once again she was left wondering what was next. 

They had talked, before she left. They had decided that he would tell their parents, and she couldn’t be more grateful to him. They had figured out all the logistics of ending it; crossed all the figurative t’s and dotted all the hypothetical i’s. They had successfully dismantled the plan she had built her life around. She wasn’t sure if she was meant to feel relief or excitement, but all she really felt was anxiety. She didn’t know where to go from here. At this very moment she had a completely open future. There were no plans, no landmarks in sight. Maybe it should have been exciting and maybe someday it would be. Right now all she can feel is shock and maybe a little bit of grief too. The future was a wide and daunting thing that she was now facing without a map and it left her feeling unmoored; a leaf on the wind with no control over where she landed. 

Maybe for now the best thing to do was focus on the now. Her now is something she can take comfort in; it is a space in which she is sure of her footing and where she is happy. Maybe the answer is to just focus on that: on her job, on her team, on her friends. Maybe if she did that the rest would reveal itself, in time. 

So she pushed herself off the door and squared her shoulders, holding her head high as she entered her apartment. For tonight she would focus on her life. She would take some time to herself or maybe see what the others were doing. Then in the morning she would get up and go to work and continue focusing on the now and what she had. 

The future was a problem for tomorrow and for now, it could stay there. 

**Author's Note:**

> Come find me on [tumblr](https://marjansmarwani.tumblr.com/)


End file.
